Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
