Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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