this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
