And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
