Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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