and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
