this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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