but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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