Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
