i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
