best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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