I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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