Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
