i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i will never coherently bang her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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