a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
COCAINE IS GR8
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
