Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
