wakey wakey hands off snakey
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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