I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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