I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
