porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
