Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My dick has a subreddit
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
