this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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