Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
