with your own penis?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
