I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
