I should be sponsored by Trojan
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
