God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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