Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
