I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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