Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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