you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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