the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
