I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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