Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
