there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
NoShamevember. You game?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
