take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
