I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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