just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
