Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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