I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
