Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
