JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
