I'm lost and stupid without you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
