could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
