I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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