Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
