i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
