I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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