There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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