We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
