I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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